I will start by saying that my husband is a brilliant, kind, gentle man; the kind of human who rescues wounded baby birds off the side of the road and nurses them back to health, and who cherishes nothing more than his library card and a mug of hot tea. And I made this pure, sweet, lovely soul fuck a tube of gel to clone his peen for my amusement. I am a monster, to be sure, but I write for Cosmo, and what needs to be done, needs to be done. Besides, that bird seed ain't buying itself. My husband reluctantly agreed because he knows he married a crazy person and he was already forced to do all the sex in 50 Shades of Grey and put a donut on his ding dong , so whatever, this should be a walk in the park.